Right before my mother-in-law, Jo, went back to MD, she gave me a wonderful book to read. It's her notes on the Gospel of John, her reflections on and struggles with the Word. Like Jacob of old, she is clearly saying to the Lord: "I will not let you go unless you bless me." And bless her, he did. Many insights along the way - many of them insights only gained through suffering. I haven't finished it yet, but I find it quite beautiful:
"When we talk about eating the flesh and drinking the blood, many don't understand how that can be. He warns us that unless we do we will have no life in us. We wil be condemned. When you eat the bread and drink the blood you shall live forever... We don't do it as a symbol but as the actual body and blood of our Lord."
"Satan and sin were destroyed at the cross. We are now freed from Satan's hold. Christ died so that we may live forever."
"When we come to the table it must be with a clean heart, for we are meeting Christ there. It is not a symbol of remembrance, but the true body and blood of our Lord."
"It goes deeper than that. We are not seeing the Christ in each other nor are we seeing the power of the Word to change lives."
"Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained. This brings up the situation of pastors standing in (the) stead of Christ for the forgiveness of sins. According to the scripture, this is one of their duties."
Wow. Good stuff. Have you thought of writing down your conversations with the Lord on the basis of His Word? It allows your personal conversation to be a blessing to others also. I've not done this before, but after reading a bit in this work on John, I'm beginning to think I should.